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Today I saw you...

Updated: Mar 10, 2021

Today I saw you.. which I know isn’t possible because I know where you are.

I saw you today yelling, “I woke up in the hospital! Let me in, shut up! Let me go..”

I saw you today, I wish it wasn’t true.

I hope that when people see others like you that they think “that’s someone’s son, father, and brother too.”

I saw you today, but it wasn’t you, someone like you with demons they can’t control.

The devil in the form of a needle because to get to your destination you have to pay the toll.

I thought I saw you today.

There are others out there like you, and I hope they treat you like you are worth something, someone worth saving.

I thought I saw you today, and I saw the pain in your eyes.

Trying to mask it with rage, but you were never good with that disguise.

I saw you today, trying to find quick fixes to numb the pain.

I hope that you realize until you deal with your trauma nothing will ever change.

Mental health and addiction go hand in hand. I pray that those who are lost can find the guidance that they need. The holidays are my favorite time of year, but they are also the hardest time because of missing family members. Hold your loved ones close and let them know how much you love them.

I originally wrote and saved this as a draft last year December of 2019... I wish that I could turn back the hands of time to save you brother. I wish that I could take away your pain, that I could take away my own pain because of your loss. I feel so numb and lost without you. I can't believe this is my new reality. The only thing that brings me some type of comfort is knowing you're somewhere safe, and you will always be clothed and fed. You are no longer in pain.

I saw you brother... Not the way I wanted to for the last time here on earth but knowing that I will see you again in another life, a better one that’s what’s keeping me going right now. We always took care of each other growing up, and all throughout each other’s lives. You were always my memory and my protector. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you this time.

I don’t know God’s plan, but I trust it even though it sucks right now. Put in a good word for all of us up there. Please continue to protect me and help him guide me. Until we meet again.

Your sister, I love you.

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